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Diary of an LTR: Focus On Your Own Relationship


By, Elyssa-Beth Bender

Relationships can be hard to navigate sometimes. Sometimes, when our relationships is faced with conflict or insecurities, we look to other’s relationships as a standard that may even cause one to question the value of their relationship. This is not a good practice when in a relationship, and here is how I found my way to focusing on my own relationship.

Love is A Battlefield

My fiancé and I have been together for six years, and two years ago our relationship went to the next level when we got engaged. Though we love each other, we knew that our nuptials would have to wait until after we finished school and got our lives on track. However, ever since we have been engaged everyone we know keeps pressing us for a wedding date. Our reason for not setting a date has always been school and financial reasons, but ever since recently this did not seem like a good enough reason.

A few weeks ago, a co-worker of mine came into work after a long stay-cation with her boyfriend whom just came back from basic training. While he was home, he proposed! They wasted no time and are now married.

While I am so happy for my co-worker, I felt insecure knowing they were getting married right away. For the past two and a half years, I have been putting my own wedding day off for reasons I thought were practical and logical. Yet my co-worker and her husband, both of whom are three years my junior, are in the same situation and they decided to make the leap and get married. I started questioning my own relationship and how it compared to my co-worker’s and other people I know that are getting married. I felt like it was wrong to be engaged for so long without any concrete plans for a wedding day.

Little Talks

While I was feeling insecure about my relationship, I decided to confide in a few friends and family members. They told me that it’s okay not to rush into marriage and have a long engagement; it doesn’t mean I’m not committed to marrying my fiancé. They also told me not to feel pressured by anyone else to rush my wedding plans. Although I felt comforted by what my loved ones were telling me, I knew I had to talk to my fiancé.

It Takes Two

I finally talked to my fiancé about how I felt pressured to rush our wedding plans and how insecure I felt as others like my co-worker were getting married after a quick engagement. I told him I love him and that I still want to get married, but I also reminded him of the reasons that kept me from setting a date to begin with.

He told me that I should stop worrying what others are thinking about our engagement. He said that we should only worry about our relationship and focus on getting our own plans together. He assured me that he knows I still love him and that he loves me; we just aren’t financially ready to make the leap.

Happily Ever After… Eventually

After talking to him, I felt much better about taking our time, and that he feels the same pressure as I do. It makes me comforted to know that we are in this together and that we are on the same page. I also came to a self-realization that it’s okay that my co-worker made such a big leap because maybe her plans fell into place faster than mine. I also realize that one day too my plans will fall into place.

Elyssa-Beth Bender is a recent graduate of Slippery Rock University of Pennsylvania with a B.S. in English Professional Writing. She has been in an LTR (Long-term relationship) for 6 years.


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